The Last Girlfriend On Earth

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Reagan Arthur Books
ISBN: 9780316219396
File Size: 42,71 MB
Format: PDF
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In "Center of the Universe," God struggles to balance the demands of his career with the needs of his long-term girlfriend. In "Magical Mr. Goat," a young girl's imaginary friend yearns to become "more than friends." In "Unprotected," an unused prophylactic recalls his years spent trapped inside a teen boy's wallet. The stories in Simon Rich's new book are bizarre, funny, and yet...relatable. Rich explores love's many complications-losing it, finding it, breaking it, and making it-and turns the ordinary into the absurd. With razor-sharp humor and illustrations, and just in time for Valentine's Day, Rich takes readers for an exhilarating, hilarious ride on the rollercoaster of love.

The Last Girlfriend On Earth

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Serpent's Tail
ISBN: 9781846689215
File Size: 44,38 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
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Love is really, really difficult. And it's even harder if you're the last woman on earth.The sketches in Simon Rich's new book are bizarre, funny, and even familiar. Exploring love's many complications and mortifications - losing it, finding it, breaking it, and making it - Rich turns the ordinary into the absurd. From the invisible man's compulsion to stalk his ex, Sherlock Holmes' only blind spot and how Darwin really formed his theory of evolution, The Last Girlfriend on Earth takes readers for an exhilarating, hilarious ride on the rollercoaster of love.Praise for What In God's Name:'Like Douglas Adams in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Rich drags heaven down to Earth ... owes much to The Simpsons and to Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens' New York Times'Hilarious and touching ... obviously Rich is crazy good at hysterical sharp dialogue ... What In God's Name reads like a screenplay for a film that might sit comfortably beside Woody Allen's early absurd works in a Netflix queue ... a clever, endearing novel' Entertainment Weekly'Divinely funny' Vanity Fair

Spoiled Brats

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 0316368636
File Size: 32,64 MB
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Twenty years ago, Barney the Dinosaur told the nation's children they were special. We're still paying the price. From "one of the funniest writers in America"* comes a collection of stories culled from the front lines of the millennial culture wars. Rife with failing rock bands, student loans, and participation trophies, Spoiled Brats is about a generation of narcissists-and the well-meaning boomers who made them that way. A hardworking immigrant is preserved for a century in pickle brine. A helicopter mom strives to educate her demon son. And a family of hamsters struggles to survive in a private-school homeroom. Surreal, shrewd, and surprisingly warm, these stories are as resonant as they are hilarious. *Jimmy So, Daily Beast

Ant Farm

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 0307493962
File Size: 43,74 MB
Format: PDF
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In Ant Farm, former Harvard Lampoon president Simon Rich finds humor in some very surprising places. Armed with a sharp eye for the absurd and an overwhelming sense of doom, Rich explores the ridiculousness of our everyday lives. The world, he concludes, is a hopelessly terrifying place–with endless comic potential. –If your girlfriend gives you some “love coupons” and then breaks up with you, are the coupons still valid? –What kind of performance pressure does an endangered male panda feel when his captors bring the last remaining female panda to his cage? –If murderers can get into heaven by accepting Jesus, just how awkward is it when they run into their victims? Join Simon Rich as he explores the extraordinary and hilarious desperation that resides in ordinary life, from cradle to grave. "Hilarious." –Jon Stewart From the Trade Paperback edition.

Free Range Chickens

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 9781588367327
File Size: 76,38 MB
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In his riotous debut collection, Ant Farm, Simon Rich found humor in some of life’s most desperate situations. Now this former editor of The Harvard Lampoon and current writer for Saturday Night Live has returned to mine more comedy from our hopelessly terrifying world. In the nostalgic opening chapter, Rich recalls his fear of the Tooth Fairy (“Is there a face fairy?”) and his initial reaction to the “Got-your-nose” game (“Please just kill me. Better to die than to live the rest of my life as a monster”). He goes on to present Count Dracula’s desperate Match.com profile (“I am normal human looking for human woman to come to castle. I am normal, regular human”). Later, he gets inside the heads of two firehouse Dalmatians who can’t understand their masters’ compulsion to drive off to horrible fires every day. And in the final chapter, he tackles some of life’s biggest questions: Does God really have a plan for us? Yes, it turns out. Now if only He could remember what it was. . . . Praise for Simon Rich’s Ant Farm “Ant Farm has an imaginative power that can trigger snort-fests. . . . Ferociously creative, this book is for readers craving both smart humor and belly laughs.” –People (four stars) “Savagely funny.” –The New York Times “Hilarious. Open this book anywhere, begin reading, and you will laugh.” –Jon Stewart “Ant Farm is what all humor books should be: full of brief, high-concept musings that you wish you’d thought of yourself.” –Time Out New York “A satirical salmagundi that bites back . . . Imaginative premises abound. . . . As unpredictable as YouTube, as in your face as MySpace.” –Publishers Weekly From the Hardcover edition.

What In God S Name

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Reagan Arthur Books
ISBN: 0316203327
File Size: 34,31 MB
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God decides to close up shop on Earth -- unless two idealistic angels can make a miracle happen Welcome to Heaven, Inc., the grossly mismanaged corporation in the sky. For as long as anyone can remember, the founder and CEO (known in some circles as "God") has been phoning it in. Lately, he's been spending most of his time on the golf course. And when he does show up at work, it's not to resolve wars or end famines, but to Google himself and read what humans have been blogging about him. When God decides to retire (to pursue his lifelong dream of opening an Asian Fusion restaurant), he also decides to destroy Earth. His employees take the news in stride, except for Craig and Eliza, two underpaid angels in the lowly Department of Miracles. Unlike their boss, Craig and Eliza love their jobs - uncapping city fire hydrants on hot days, revealing lost keys in snow banks - and they refuse to accept that earth is going under. The angels manage to strike a deal with their boss. He'll call off his Armageddon, if they can solve their toughest miracle yet: getting the two most socially awkward humans on the planet to fall in love. With doomsday fast approaching, and the humans ignoring every chance for happiness thrown their way, Craig and Eliza must move heaven and earth to rescue them - and the rest of us, too.

Elliot Allagash

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Diversion Books
ISBN: 1682306410
File Size: 41,84 MB
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"Fellow high school losers, use your video game money to buy this book! Simon Rich will make you relive the dread, the hilarity, and the insanity of those formative years like no one else. Open at your own peril!"—Gary Shteyngart There are things money can’t buy: integrity, honor, discipline. Unfortunately for Seymour Herson, he’s got a more pressing matter at hand: surviving eighth grade. He’s dead last in just about everything at Glendale, the Manhattan private school his parents are working so hard to keep him in. His grades are so low a C warrants a celebration. His athletic skill is limited to how much chocolate milk he can drink in one sitting. You’d think someone with such a natural knack for underachieving could at least have a pretty good social life, but Seymour’s more familiar with the lockers he’s been stuffed in than the kids they belong to. To top it off, being bullied constantly lands him in detention along with his tormentors. His newest? Elliot Allagash, heir to the Allagash fortune, descendant of the inventor of paper, particularly talented at pushing kids down the stairs. But Elliot’s interest seems to go beyond run-of-the-mill bullying. Bored with being forced to study alongside commoners, Elliot sees a golden opportunity to bring chaos to Glendale’s entire social order: Seymour. Set on transforming Seymour into the most popular and successful kid in school, Elliot takes matters into his own evil little hands. With his vast amount of money and questionable connections, making Elliot a superstar should be a piece of cake. If a few lives get ruined in the process, that’s just a happy little coincidence. If only Seymour wasn’t so dead set on being nice. “Reading this hilarious morality tale about the cost of that popularity makes me happy that I went through my high school years as an outsider. And it makes me even happier that Simon Rich did.”—Seth Meyers "I found Simon Rich's first novel, about an evil teenage billionaire, to be suspenseful and hilarious. I am so glad I don't have to lie in this blurb like I usually do."—Judd Apatow

The Last Girl On Earth

Author: Alexandra Blogier
Publisher: Delacorte Press
ISBN: 0399552294
File Size: 15,45 MB
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Fans of The 5th Wave will devour this heart-pounding sci-fi novel about a girl with a secret: on a near-future Earth taken over by aliens, she is the only human left alive. “A celebration of what it means to be human.” —Katharine McGee, New York Times bestselling author of The Thousandth Floor RAISED AMONG THEM. Li has a father and a sister who love her. A best friend, Mirabae, to share things with. She goes to school and hangs out at the beach and carefully follows the rules. She has to. Everyone she knows--her family, her teachers, her friends--is an alien. And she is the only human left on Earth. A SECRET THAT COULD END HER LIFE. The Abdoloreans hijacked the planet sixteen years ago, destroying all human life. Li's human-sympathizer father took her in as a baby and has trained her to pass as one of them. The Abdoloreans appear human. But they don't think with human minds or feel with human hearts. And they have special abilities no human could ever have. FIT IN OR DIE. When Li meets Ryn, she's swept up in a relationship that could have disastrous consequences. How far will Li go to stay alive? Will she save herself--and in turn, the human race--or will she be the final witness to humanity's destruction?

Hits And Misses

Author: Simon Rich
Publisher: Serpent's Tail
ISBN: 1782833862
File Size: 21,16 MB
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'Simon Rich is outrageously, lavishly gifted' - Caitlin Moran 'Simon Rich is the funniest writer alive' - Matt Haig 'How fabulously funny' - Lauren Laverne 'One of my favourite authors' - B J Novak From a bitter tell-all by a horse who made a man famous and then got left behind to a gushing magazine profile of one of your favorite World War II dictators, these stories trawl through history to skewer our obsession with fame and fortune - all the way from ancient Babylon to Hollywood. What father-to-be wouldn't feel a little jealous when his baby outstrips his success from the womb? And what happens when a film critic is forced to live in the movies he so cruelly damned? Loved in the UK by celebs, writers and readers alike, from Lauren Laverne to Matt Haig and Caitlin Moran, Simon Rich is back with his funniest and most personal collection of stories to date.

Life As We Knew It

Author: Susan Beth Pfeffer
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
ISBN: 0152061541
File Size: 37,43 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
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Through journal entries, sixteen-year-old Miranda describes her family's struggle to survive after a meteor hits the moon, causing worldwide tsunamis, earthquakes, and volcanic eruptions.